here comes the bride, all dressed in fury

Speaking of weddings (since that’s what everyone’s talking about these days), I would just like to share my experience. Not my own personal experience of course but my experience in helping my mom organize my brother’s wedding. It was a lot of work.!! There were just so many things to do and things to settle. In the end, it became quite draining, especially on her. And that was only our preparations on the guy’s side. Imagine what it must have been like on her side. Yes, it was not easy and she put in a lot of effort to make it special in its own way. I’m sure everyone would do or have done the same for their children’s weddings. Everyone’s degree of effort may vary but still. Some heart and soul and love and of course, money are put in weddings. No matter how big, no matter how small, no matter how grand, no matter how simple.

So it would not only be plain rude but also inconsiderate for a stranger, or anybody for that matter, to overly-criticize or mock a wedding like as if it’s a circus. Constructive criticism is a different thing all together. What is constructive criticism? Well, for me it would be like, informing us that the music was too loud or there were not enough flowers on the high table or the food was stale or things like that. But what happened was, some people thought it was within their prerogative to touch on personal issues or personal choices that were made during the wedding. Example? Well, mocking the fact that we threw rose petals and bunga rampai as the bride and groom walked out of the hall, mocking the fact that we gave our bottled water as one of the wedding favours, mocking the fact that the hotel provided the guests with chocolates as also one of the wedding favours, mocking my father’s speech, mocking the fact that I had a huge rose in my hair, mocking my sister in-law’s singing, mocking what we gave for the hantaran, mocking this and that. Even typing all the examples above is tiring. So it’s incredible, really, for anyone to have that much strength to go out of the way to mock another person, complete with all the items at hand. Pathetic and funny. Haha. Those were personal choices and who’s to say whatever ideas you have in mind would be better?

And here I thought we are all moving towards being citizens with first-class mentalities. It seems like this concrete jungle that we live in is only a façade. Many of us are still pretty much kampung girls and boys at heart. Even those who live in the kampung don’t do this anymore. You know, the typical “anak Kak Kiah gigi emas tu kahwin tapi korbankan seekor lembu je, ada ke patut? Anak imam tu nak berlagak la tu, tunjuk kaya bagi bunga straw untuk bunga telur, apa, dah taknak ikut adat Melayu ke?” (as seen in Malay dramas) Come onnnnnn. Get over it.

Honestly, it is up to that person whatever colour he/she wants to wear (if you want a colour that no one has worn before, well, you have to create a new colour!). It is up to that person if he/she wants to have thick make-up, light make-up, natural make-up, Opera make-up. Just let them be. As long as the families are happy, then so be it. It’s funny how some people fail to realize that when they mock the whole wedding, it’s like mocking the parents – because the parents are usually the ones who would organize or pay for the wedding. And I can take criticism if it is directed to me but I will never, ever allow a stranger to mock my parents, my family and get away with it. If you think what we did was an ‘over display of wealth’, well, I think your attitude is an over display of how childish and immature you are, whoever you may be. I will not stoop as low as your level to start making personal attacks even though I can. Because I’m not you. And because I was brought up to respect others – even though I don’t think I have much left for you. Hmm, I have one less person to invite to my wedding now. Hehe.

So that’s just a story of how something as beautiful and as pure as a wedding could turn into something that puts everyone under pressure, something that could not only hurt the bride and groom but the entire family, something that could turn friends into foes, something that could reveal one’s true colours, something that could turn not into a much anticipated event but an event that everyone dreads. And what a sad, sad world we live in if everyone is like her/him.

All weddings are one-of-a-kind. And you don’t even have to look at the colour of her dress or the value of her wedding favour or who did what first. Just look at the bride and groom. It’s all up to you. It’s you that will make the difference and not what you have.