farewell, confinement

…you’ve been kind to me. Yes I’m officially done. Thoughts on confinement? Well, my confinement period was a pleasant one. I did not ‘suffer’ in any way at all. Of course the first couple of weeks were difficult because I was still learning everything I need to know about a newborn. Yeah, I didn’t automatically become a pro or a supermom the minute the baby was delivered – (and I still am not one but would like to believe that I can be if I put my mind to it ;p) lots of things to learn on top of everything else. ‘Everything else’ means not being able to eat almost everything, dealing with post-csect pain, kena pakai socks, bengkung, and gasp! Not being able to step out of the house! But it was all very much bearable lah. Plus my mom is a great cook so even with the little option that I had, she made super yummy meals for me to a point where I actually looked forward to meal times. See, how to lose weight? Even my husband enjoyed my meals so NO COMPLAINTS at all in the food department.

Furthermore, I don’t really mind not being able to go out because seriously, up ‘til today, I don’t have the mood to go out! Except to shop for groceries lah – that one is a must and rimas if I don’t get to go to the shops to get what the baby needs. Otherwise, please, I can happily spend time at home with my baby. Partly because my hair’s a total mess right now I need to go to the salon this very second. My already-long hair has grown longer (duhhh) over the month and now my hair is like…too long and lemah semacam. And partly too, because I don’t like leaving Maya at home. I know I have my mom and the maid but I still feel like doing everything myself. I am less possessive now but I still miss her soooo much when I leave the house. I’d be calling whoever’s at home every hour just to check on her. I guess it’s normal for ALL moms to feel that way. Now I know how a mother’s every thought is consumed with thoughts of her child. Now I know why the minute somebody becomes a mom her profile picture changes, her tweets and FB statuses are all about her child and all she ever blogs about is about the baby – like what I’ve been doing lately. I never thought I’d be one of ‘those moms’ but I am proudly one now. I’m like THIS close to setting up a Facebook account for my baby. But I guess that can wait. Hehe.

So anyway, there’s nothing terrible about being in my sort of confinement at all. In fact my mom was really lenient with me towards the end. After 30 days, she was like “you can go to the shops already lah dah 30 days”…but I was the one who told her “I want to pantang 44 days lah!” Konon macam im so diligent in observing the pantang padahal like I said earlier, no mood to go out yet! (But now mood slowly sudah mari..hehe pity Maya, mummy is already thinking about going to the cinema with daddy, I mean, I need to take care of THAT relationship too right? Hehe. Maya understands. After all ,Maya wants adik right? LOL)

I would forever cherish and treasure the experience. My first experience, my first taste of confinement. I guess my two cents would be… Enjoy your confinement to the fullest. Don’t look at what you cannot do or cannot eat, think about what brought you to confinement in the first place. The baby. Take the pilis, param, tungku, bengkung and everything as part of your process of becoming a mummy…and remember how many people out there who are willing to be in your place just to be blessed with a child. So just close your eyes and clip your nose and down that bottle of pati ikan haruan. Hehe.

So long and farewell confinement. See you again, insya Allah in a couple of years’ time? Amin. Hehe.

weight me up before you go go

Ok, I admit. I have never been THIS annoying my whole life. Ever since I gave birth to my baby, besides the excitement, eyebags and the whole lot of it, all I could think, talk, tweet about is my weight. And it’s so annoying that I annoy myself just by writing this post. Why do I even bother writing about it? I should be running up and down the slope in front of my house than sitting here accumulating fat!

See. That’s just how annoying I’ve become. I cannot say or do anything without associating it with my (kononnya) weight issues. I used to hate, no ,make that despise people who whine and talk about nothing but calories, exercise, diet yada yada. For me, they are sucking the fun out of their own lives. I’ve never once in my 26 years (Alhamdulilah) of living bothered about how much I weigh. But now look who’s talking.

It’s depressing how silly and childish I am right now. You know how people always say it took 9 months to put on, it’s not going to take 9 days to disappear. Hello, 9 months tu nikmat kot. And I know for a fact that it has only been 38 days! But but but but….ok I’m being childish.

Then again, I don’t regret eating that much during pregnancy. Because it contributed to the growth of my baby (somehow?) and I get my little Maya as a gift. If I could I would do it all over again and eat even more. Hehe. So what do I do with this excess baggage? Any takers?

PS: Oh my, I wrote all the above BEFORE the tragedy that struck Japan occurred. And now I hate myself even more for whining about this very very petty issue. The tragedy and its horrifying images memang truly menginsafkan. I could have just deleted the earlier paragraphs but I just need to show you how forgetful, ungrateful and silly we can be sometimes. For the people of Japan, the LAST thing they care about, or make that, they don’t even freaking care about weight right now. People have lost their lives out there and here I am, talking about pancakes..I mean weight. Sheesh.

So with that, I would like to apologize for even contemplating about complaining about my weight. I will embrace all that God has given me and count my blessings instead of calories. I mean, I think it’s definitely fine to want to be healthy and fit but to whine about non-existent weight issues is just a blatant act of ungratefulness..(ye ke non-existent?hehe) and it pushes people away because nobody wants to be friends with a shallow person. And most importantly, I must remember that I don’t need to live my life to be dictated by what you think is beautiful.

Ok I just ordered nasi kandar pelita from my husband. Really, I’m all done with being too concerned about post-pregnancy body issues. I’ll try to keep fit but what will be, will be yer. Positive-thinking mode starts now!

PSS: My heart and thoughts go out to the people of Japan… :(

special mention

I don’t usually gush about my love life online because I don’t quite believe in ODA (online display of affection). But once in a while, I do break away from the norm and turn into a 15 year-old again. Especially when there’s something especially special that I just HAVE to share.

Now that all has been said and done about Maya’s birth, I think I would like to take up a little space and dedicate this little entry to my husband – who is, of course, worth more than a million blog entries put together. I am writing this – to let him know how much I appreciate what he has done for me and to always remind myself that I have this incredible person in my life so that I will never be ungrateful.

He was right there in the labour room with me for the whole 16++ hours. I had to force him to go out of the room to meet and update our family members waiting outside. I’m sorry if I squeezed your hand too hard during the strong contractions. He was there when I vomited on the bed and I had vomit all over my face. He wiped it all off and cleaned me up. But I think what touched me the most is the hours after I had the operation. It was so hard for me to even walk to the bathroom let alone do my ‘business’. So he was always in the bathroom with me to accompany me and to help change whatever had to be changed. And oh yes for the first few hours your lochia (Google it up) flow would be very heavy – I stained my bed so many times. I’ve read somewhere that bleeding immediately after c-sect is heavier than normal birth. I had to change so many times as within a couple of hours the sanitary pad was already soaking wet. I know he’s afraid of blood but he did it anyway. It’s not so hard for normal deliveries because you won’t have that much trouble standing up – sitting down – walking. Maybe a little discomfort here and there but I don’t think it’s anything like a c-sect! That’s why I needed so much assistance from him. If I must say so myself, it was definitely gross and disgusting but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, right?

I know, as a husband, all that I’ve mentioned above is part of his responsibility and something that of course he HAD to do. It would be odd if he DIDN’T do what he did. But just because it is something that ‘goes without saying’, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t thank him or appreciate his efforts. It doesn’t mean that I should take him for granted.

So, to my husband, you’ve seen me at my best and you’ve seen me at my worst…and you’re definitely going to see so much more of me (good and bad) in the years to come. You’ve shown me an example of the great things that you would do for me. Things that appear simple but nevertheless have touched me so much that I can’t help but wonder if words would ever be enough to express how I feel about you after the birth of our daughter. I feel closer to you and more in love with you than I’ve ever been. “What are words if you really don’t mean them when you say them” so I’m not going to say much or write much, I just want to say thank you. For taking care of me so well.

Love you!