positive

I can’t contain my excitement and SYUKUR to Allah SWT. I don’t how many words of thanks to the Almighty would be adequate to convey what I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks. God has given me an amazing opportunity and gift. I am pregnant. :)

It was so hard trying to keep the news from everybody. It was so hard not being able to share ‘pregnancy’ stories with others, yet, as I don’t want to jump the gun before everything is double confirmed. But I’m sharing this with you now because I think the time is right and because I hope that anyone who reads this would say a little nice doa for me and my baby. I need as many good wishes and as much support as I could possibly get. I pray that it will be a smooth sailing journey for me and that I will be blessed with a healthy baby next year. Please pray for us too and in turn, I hope that you will be blessed with all the good things in life from Allah swt. By the way, God willing, the baby will arrive some time in early February next year. Hopefully, on my birthday. Wouldn’t that be the greatest birthday present ever? Lol.

Moving on to a slightly funny story, here’s how it all happened. No, I’m not going to literally explain to you how it ‘happened’ because you are all adults now and you know better. On 6th June, I woke up in the morning and decided to take a home pregnancy test (HPT). My period was due on the 4th or 5th. But it could have even been on the 6th too because my monthly cycle varies. So I don’t know what prompted me to take the test, I didn’t have any symptoms whatsoever, in fact I was waiting for my period to arrive as I was sure that it would arrive any time that week. It was purely for fun. It was an impromptu decision, I had one HPT at home ‘just in case’ so I didn’t give it much thought AT ALL. I was really really really surprised when the Clearblue HPT showed a very strong ‘plus’ sign, which means positive. I didn’t believe it. *denial mode on* I showered, went downstairs to find my sister in law, Kak Rinie. (Thank God for sisters!) I asked her whether the HPT is reliable and I found out that a Clearblue HPT has a high likelihood of being accurate. So we went out to buy MORE HPTs (because I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a mistake or anything)((Yes, usually people would just do one HPT and that’s it but not me!)). I came back and did one more test and it was still positive. That was when I broke the news to my sleepy-eyed husband. Of course he was very happy but we didn’t want to start ‘celebrating’ just yet. We decided to visit a nearby clinic for a scan and a urine test. The scan did not show anything, but it was probably due to the fact that I was only four weeks pregnant at that time, according to the doctor. Even the urine test came out negative at the doctor’s! The doctor gave me folic acid anyway, to be taken once daily. Our hopes were slightly dashed and we began questioning the accuracy of the HPTs. I googled and asked Kak Rinie about a hundred times on HPTs and I found out that it was rare that a HPT would show a positive sign when one is not pregnant. At this point, nobody knew except me, my husband and her. So I did another test, this time from a different brand, Guardian. And again, the HPT showed a positive.

Just for the record, I did a total of 8 HPTs not including the two tests at the clinic, so let's make that 10!

We decided to wait for a couple of days or so before we see the doctor again. But in the mean time, I did so many HPTs!! Haha, yes, I spent quite a fortune on HPTs because I’m paranoid and ridiculous like that. Yes, I looked exactly like the picture above at the pharmacy. ;p So on 7th June, I did one more test in the morning, positive. On 8th June, positive. 9th.. oh well you get the drift. All positive. I finally went to the doctors again on 10th June and this time around, Alhamdulilah, it was confirmed that I was pregnant. :) And here I am writing to you, sharing the good news. By the time you're reading this, I am almost two months pregnant and I have gone for a proper check up where we did the scan and saw the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It was truly a defining moment. I felt as though my entire world was in that one small beeping,flickering circle. It was beautiful. I have a picture but I'm too shy to share it. :)


We have been married for approximately 5 months before I first found out I was pregnant. From the first month we became husband and wife, people, family, friends and non-friends alike have been bombarding us with the typical “dah berisi?” questions. I know, those of you who are married would be able to relate to this. It was crazy and it was relentless. It’s like, they never gave up. I wasn’t pressured to the point of getting stressed out whenever I get my period every month but I really wanted them to realize it was all in God’s hands. I know it sounds super cliché but it’s the truth. Rezeki, is not something we can predict, dictate or control. All we can do is keep trying. Usaha and tawakal, right? Of course you’re not going to get something without working hard for it. It’s called rezeki because some people get pregnant straight away after their ‘first night’ and some people wait for years to get pregnant. We didn’t plan on this one. I, especially, believe that He has a better plan for us and that He would know whether I’m ready or not. I didn’t mind getting pregnant straight away or if I had to wait a little longer but I was ready to seek medical help if I surpass the two-year mark. But thankfully, that didn’t happen to me. Every month I would tell myself that God knows best, God knows best, God knows best. And my husband can attest to this, I always tell him that I can’t help it and I can’t control if people who got married around the same time or even later than I did are pregnant already, but all I know is that I will get pregnant eventually. I did not make others my benchmark. It’s only a matter of time. It keeps the pressure and stress away. It's not easy as you know nowadays, everything's a silent competition. From relationships to engagements to weddings (this one toksah cakap la kan) to even pregnancy.

I’ve gone through that and now, I don’t have to blame it on the dress, the camera angle, the make up or anything because I really am just pregnant. Alhamdulilah. Phew, that’s a huge relief. :) I am so excited to begin this extraordinary journey. What’s more exciting is the fact that one of my best friends just found out that she’s pregnant too!! Double joy for us! I’m so happy that I have someone so close to me that I could share the entire journey with. I think we’d be calling each other everyday to ask about things! Insya Allah, she is also due some time in February next year. Alhamdulilah, so many good news. But I am nervous and scared as well. This entry is long enough already, let’s take another day to talk about ‘feelings’ and responsibilities ok? Thanks for reading! :)