there's a kind of hush

I feel out of place on rainy days. I love the weather, I love how the skies are painted grey, I love how it’s dark and gloomy outside, I love it when I’m dry and the only evidence of rain is the raindrops splattered on the windows with an echoing sound. I love how it has a silent effect despite the thunder. Like there's a kind of hush. I love how I’m still and quiet on the outside and yet immediately inside of me I feel a volatile pain in a hole deeply entrenched in my heart. Raw and open. I could almost hear how my heart is crushed, spilling all the emotions. My chest hurts with every beat of the thunder. Somehow the gaping hole has always been there. Permanent.

I love the gloomy and somber mood. Serious and dark. Does that mean I love putting my heart through the rain? It’s not lovely, it hurts but the rain is lovely. The rain brings out clashing emotions. Or is it just a broken heart I’m trying to mend? And the rain, in all its incongruity, is my saviour?